Suicidal thoughts & Rejection

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All the best for 2013 everyone!!

I love dogs but I hate when they make a mess.  There is a dog at home who I have been watching closely recently, I will call her Pep.  From what I was told, Pep was the baby at the house for a long time therefore, she would be the center of attention most times.  Anyway, a precious bundle of joy was brought home eight months ago, I shall call her Sunshine.  Ever since baby Sunshine was brought home she took over being the center of attention from Pep and Pep is not allowed to touch or venture too close to her.  If Pep does go too close, she would be spoken to really sternly.  Well, Pep seemed to be feeling rejected and she stopped eating as she use to.  It became so bad that she started throwing up because of lack of nourishment.  Pep, also started acting out by messing up the house deliberately.   Pep’s owner had to rub her down and almost hand fed her for her to start eating again.

Why did I share a story about a dog?  Well, I was blown away by the reaction of an animal  when felt rejected.  It brought back memories of me acting out because I felt rejected and unloved.  Of course not in the same way as Pep did.

What is suicide?  Suicide is the intentional taking of one’s own life.

In my opinion, when certain animal or human experience rejection, a sense of worthlessness and loneliness is felt which causes the animal to have no desire to live and convinces the person/s that life is not worth living.  Hence, suicide is considered or even acted upon by the person/s.

Who gives life and who has the right to take it?  Well, God gives life and only He has the right to take it.  If we take a life, we are committing murder even if it is our own lives and the bible does tell us that we should not kill.

Is there forgiveness for committing suicide? NO!  There is no repentance in the grave because if we are dead we can not ask God for pardon, can we?  No!

People are still taking their lives and some struggle with the thoughts of taking their lives.  I was one such person.  I struggled for years with the thoughts of putting an end to my existence.  I thought that I would not be missed anyway and I already felt like I did not exist.  I felt literal pain just to take a breath due to the fact that I was so burden down with self rejection and rejection from others.  I would listen and meditate on these suicidal thoughts.  I can remember holding a knife to my wrist.  I could not do it.  I could not take my life.   Thank God!!!  Anyway, me not being able to commit suicide was not because suddenly the situation had changed or people started showing me the acceptance I needed.  No!  God stopped me.  I remember always thinking that I would go straight to hell and burn for eternity if I ended my life.  The thoughts of me in hell scares me.

I don’t struggle with those thoughts anymore but that does not mean that the thoughts have stopped coming.  No, from time to time the thoughts float across my mind for instance, recently when the feelings of rejection was reactivated in my emotions due to the hurtful words of a friend, the thoughts rushed back but God helped me not to entertain or meditate on them.  God reminded me of His words that is meant for me and it is also talking about you.  Such as:

  • I was chosen by God – this is such an honor 🙂
  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His sight
  • I was created in His image – wow!  This is big!  I am like the creator of the world
  • I am the apple of His eye – that just speaks for itself – yep, I am special.
  • Before He formed me in my mother’s womb, He knew me – evidence that I am chosen.
  • I am a friend of God – you know, a lot of us yearn too much for human friends and not enough for God, our true friend.  Yes, we need people but we need God more.
  • I am not alone – God says that He will never leave me or forsake me.  It doesn’t matter what I have done.  God will always love me, He hates when I do wrong but He loves me.  Nothing can separate me from the love of God.
  • My future does not depend on people’s reaction towards me; it depends on God’s plans for me.  Check this out, if someone is acting wickedly towards me and God did not allow it, He would just move the person out of my life/way or convict them to act differently towards me.
  • God is perfect! He doesn’t waste time to make worthless things and He made me hence, I am not worthless.

Also, I have stopped going off by myself when I feel depressed or rejected and stop shutting people out.  By not shutting God and others out such as: my pastors and good friends, I have stopped feeding/ strengthening rejection.  I speak about how I feel to God and the people I trust.  I let it out.  I cry in prayer about how I feel.  I play my keyboard as a way of letting out how I feel.  I sing out how I feel.  I dance out how I feel but with God’s help what I am trying not to do is act out how I feel when I am in the state of depression.  With God’s help I am no longer just living by my emotions but by God’s word.  Instead of thinking about all the troubles in my life; I start to think about all the good things in my life and give God thanks for them.  You should try it!

Hey, I am not a counselor or a psychologist.  I only share my experiences with you and tell you how God helped me to be victorious and still in helping me to conquer the trials of life.  I hope you get what I am saying here and that you will personalized these truths as you read them.

God is for you.  God is asking you to choose life.  God is life.  God is right there with you yearning for you to accept Him and everything He has in store for you.

Shalom – God’s peace

Talk soon

Love in Christ.

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3 thoughts on “Suicidal thoughts & Rejection

  1. Amen sister… Keep up the good work…. U must find more ways and means to spread these wonderful words… People need to see it!!

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